I am not after your husband

Dear Sister in Christ,

Do you ever get the feeling that married women are suspicious of you just because you are single? It’s bad enough when single Christian women are treated as pariahs just because they are not married, but it gets worse when married women treat you with contempt because they are afraid you are trying to steal their husbands.

I can’t say with surety that this has happened to me, but the way some women have behaved around me has made me wonder. OK, so I get it, I am kind of cute, and I do make an effort to put myself together well. I like nice clothes and accessories. It’s not my fault, blame my genes. But let us get this straight: I absolutely do not get romantically involved with married men! Well, try telling that to some women.

Some time ago I was living abroad, going to a certain church. The pastor of the church was relatively young, and he was a nice person who made me feel welcome. I’m sure he understood how difficult settling into a new environment could be since he had lived abroad himself. It just seemed though that no matter how nice I tried to be to his wife, I got the impression that she would have preferred if I weren’t around. If I didn’t greet her she would walk right past me. It was unsettling for me because from what I know of pastors’ wives, they usually show so much hospitality to those who visit their husbands’ churches.

And then it hit me that perhaps she thought I was out to steal her husband! I get the same kind of coolness from my neighbour’s wife these days and I wonder if she thinks the same thing. Or, maybe it’s all in my mind.

I am not here to berate these Christian wives, and I wonder whether I wouldn’t have the same reaction to a woman like me if the shoe were on the other foot. They would not understand how it hurts though, to be treated with suspicion like you are some sort of seductress. It hurts that they don’t take the time to find out that you are in fact a decent person and that you can’t stand the idea of broken marriages and would never allow yourself to be the cause of one. I guess it’s a part of the package of being a Christian single: I gather single Christian men get the same kind of reaction too.

I suppose I just wanted to vent a little in this post, and let you know that you are not alone in these single Christian woman struggles.


Daughter of a King




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