Dear Sister in Christ,
Sometimes I have those moments too: those moments where despite my usual self-assuredness and faith in God, despite the fact that I love my life, the people in it and the experiences I have had or am having, I feel like something is missing, or rather, someone.
I don’t go around wallowing in self-pity about not having a husband or family of my own. I don’t spend my time focusing on whether or not I am lonely. I have too much to do, to be and to see. But I am human too, and every once in a while, for whatever reason and for a brief moment, I lament that maybe I will never get married. I lament that I may never meet my own soulmate and have that fairytale ending that we grew up reading about as little girls, and that the world tells us is essential to our “completeness”.
I had one of those moments recently, at church no less. I don’t know if it’s something the Pastor said or perhaps something I saw, but I suddenly felt a bit of panic, and a sense of incompleteness and that I was alone. Then just as suddenly, my subconscious gave me the calm reminder that my worth comes from God. I was reminded that no husband could make me complete or validate me as a human being. But the stream of consciousness went far beyond that, for I was also reminded that my identity and worth do not come either from any of the other things in my life, be it my career, travels, foreign language skills, my house or my car. My identity and worth come from God.
I could not have any of those things or abilities and I would still be God’s priceless treasure. Doesn’t it give you an awesome sense of calm and humility to think that without all the trappings of success, whether that be familial/relational, financial, professional, or otherwise, you still have value, you are still complete, you can still be happy? I feel like I could write a song about this, except I am not much of a songwriter. My point is God ‘s idea of worth differs from that of society. Man would have you believe that as a single childless Christian woman of a certain age, you are not fully valid as a human being, that you are broken or abnormal somehow. We judge people as being more or less valuable based on what they wear, the type of car they drive, the size of their homes, how bright their children are and whether they have lots of financial assets, etc., and we place people at corresponding levels on the food chain. No wonder people will lie and scheme and hurt each other to acquire material things. Little wonder too that people feel the need to pretend at times to be something they are not.
It would change our lives dramatically if we could see ourselves through God’s eyes. He loves us regardless of what we do, have and are. Now that is really amazing love.
Daughter of a King